Crack!
by Writerdragon
Summary: All the crack pairings one could think of. Because I'm crazy enough to do it. And because Nobility and OpenSeasonFanGirl5000 fueled my insanity.
1. I

**Okay, allow me to explain.**

**XD**

**Okay, anyways, I thought of this when I was at a Halloween party at my closest friend's home. I was slightly sugar-high on candy (okay, **_**very**_** sugar-high) and I thought of this. It's a surprise that I remember that. And I told OpenSeasonFanGirl5000 this and she started a bloody thread. XD And Nobility joined in on the act. And boom, this is what happened.**

**I'm going to start with my favorite crack!couple: Monger/Susan! :D I started this, and now this is my baby. I'm treating this couple for fun in this fic, but in an up-coming fic, it'll be treated as a serious couple. But for now, on with the wackiness!**

**It is amazing that there are some people out there that want to fuel my insanity.**

**These are all just one-shots, m'kay?**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_**Crack!**_

I

Monger sat at a little desk in a large open space—it was an airplane hangar. The building was darkened; the only light in the building was a lamp that sat at his desk, which beamed bright on him. The light burned his eyes. He had stacks of paperwork to sign, and he barely scratched the surface of the mound. The general sighed, leaning back in his chair. His eyes hurt and his hand ached. Monger pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh. The monsters had done a stunning job. He could not be more proud of them. They were now here in Area 5X, hopefully resting from their long trip. The monsters had just returned from Italian hills. There were several reports of a wild beast running amok in the forest, killing sheep and cows. Susan had restrained the wolf and the beast was now securely locked in the bowls of the monster facility. Every now and then, Monger could hear the howls of the wolf from the ventilation system.

The general looked at the papers he had finished. It was an inch high. His gaze landed on the unfinished works. It was a foot high. Monger growled, rubbing his temples. He grabbed a packet of paper and started the same, gulling process. Read. Sign. Turn the paper over. Again; read. Sign. Turn the paper over. The process again. It was mind-numbing and repetitive. It was like daylight television. Monger flipped through the other papers in the packet. Not that bad; just thirty more pages. The general let out another disgruntled grunt. He continued. There was a sudden rumble. Not like an earthquake, just little thumps.

"General?"

The voice was smooth and gentle. It was obviously female. Monger glanced up, his eyes sore. Susan bent down, looking at the general. She was still wearing her uniform. The silver-haired woman smiled down at him.

"Are you okay?" she inquired.

Monger cleared his throat. "Fine," he answered, turning his attention back to his packet of paper. "Just working."

Susan frowned, looking at the general. He always worked so hard. The giantess gently sat down, folding her legs and placing her hands in her lap.

"Shouldn't ya be sleeping?" Monger asked, turning to a new legal page in the document.

"I just wanted to check up on you," Susan stated gently.

Monger froze, blinking, his brain trying his best to register what she had said. He cleared his throat again, placing his pen down, rubbing at his knuckles. "No need," he stated, his other hand reaching over to grab his mug filled with his coffee. Well, his mug that _used_ to have coffee in it. He grumbled, setting down his cup forcefully on the table. "I'm fine."

Susan sighed. "Sir, um, may I say something?" she asked gently.

"Of course, you have the right," he stated, starting to read the word-filled paper.

"This little amount of light," she began, pointing at the lamp, "it's not good for the eyes."

Monger nodded, continuing his reading. "Don't worry about me," he grunted, not in rudeness, but from just being tired. "You need sleep."

"But you do too."

Monger rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Listen, Ginormica, I understand that you worry about me, I'm fine," he stated.

Susan did not move; just watching. Monger just now finished his papers. One packet down, forty more to go. _Joy_. The general tried his best to suppress a yawn as he worked on the next packet. The general suddenly leaned forward, then snapped back up. He supported his head against his hand and read on. A hand supported against his frame. Monger groaned; the comfort of her hand behind him was enticing. She swerved him out of his chair as gently as she could, cradling the general in her hands. She cupped him as Monger barely moved in her hands. He was so fragile—she could crush him so easily.

"Goodnight, general," she cooed gently.

"'Night, Ginormica," he whispered.

He was just so tired. He worked all week, surviving on strong coffee and Chinese food. The general only needed rest. His papers could wait. Susan got up, and carried him away. The light from the lamp slowly dimmed out as the bulb died. All that was left was darkness in the hangar.


	2. II

**Okay, peeps, here's the second one. This idea was from Nobility. :3 Wendy (Susan's mom)/The Missing Link. :D**

* * *

II

Susan and her friends had a day off—at last! She could finally spend some time with her parents. It was now Thanksgiving, and fall was in the air. Gold leaves fluttered in the warm yet crisp winds. Wendy, Susan's mother, was first to greet her daughter and her odd and unique friends. Dr. Cockroach was not wearing his usual snow-white lab coat; he just sported his turtleneck and his tartan pants. He warmly smiled at the human female. B.O.B was just, B.O.B; smiling dumbly and happily. The Missing Link stood there, smirking, his arms crossed over his chest. Insectosaurus stood behind them, her wings folded in and her tail up so it would not smash into any homes. Susan was on her knees, gently smiling.

"Hey, honey," Wendy greeted her daughter. "And hello, guys."

B.O.B suddenly moved forward, grabbing the woman in his gelatin arms. "Mom! I missed you so much!" he cried. "I love you, Mom! You're the best!"

He engulfed her. Susan then freaked. "No, B.O.B! Spit her out!" the giantess cried.

The animated blob did as she commanded, spitting the woman out onto the dew-covered grass. Carl then came out, holding out potatoes and pumpkin pie. He sighed.

"Again?" he questioned.

"Again," Wendy confirmed, standing up on wobbly legs.

Link outstretched his large hand to her, smirking, as he helped her stand correctly. He glanced over at the smiling blob. "B.O.B, we had this discussion," he stated in a bored tone.

"We did?" the blob asked, cocking his head to the side ever so slightly.

The fish-ape shook his head. Dr. Cockroach stood beside his friend. "He has no brain," the bug-man reminded.

"Yeah, yeah," mumbled the fish-ape.

* * *

After Wendy had cleaned off and retrieved new clothes, the party officially begun. Dr. Cockroach was enjoying the taste of cardboard as B.O.B ate mashed potatoes and gravy. Link feasted on a chicken-leg. Insectosaurus watched the little party, letting out little screeches of joy. She and Susan had already eaten. The giantess sat crossed-legged in the middle of the street as her father stood beside her.

"The general couldn't make it?" Carl inquired.

"No, he was much too busy," Susan stated. "He works so hard; he needs a break sometimes."

Carl swirled his drink in his glass. "I agree," he stated. "But he does a good job, right?"

"Of course, Daddy," Susan stated, smiling broadly.

Link walked around, watching the party and enjoying his chicken-leg. Wendy stood alone, watching the party with a small smile. The Missing Link _did_ like Susan's mother. She was really good-looking for her age. The fish-ape moved in alongside her, smiling broadly. She glanced up at him, taking a sip of her drink.

"Hello, Link," she stated.

"Hey, Wendy," Link stated, moving slightly to the music. "Like the party; nice beat too."

Wendy merely nodded.

"Wanna dance?"

Wendy was startled by the question. She spit her drink back into the glass she was holding, glancing back up at the fish-ape. He wasn't serious, was he? Wendy confirmed that he was when he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the table. She quickly put her glass on the table that was behind her. Link took her to the centre of the street and started to move to the rhythm of the song, looking at Wendy expectantly. She began to move with the large, scaly fish-ape monster. It was odd, but she kind of liked this guy. Link was odd and was quite the jock, but he had some good qualities as well. He cared for his friends deeply, despite his gung-ho attitude. After the song had finished, the fish-ape slyly kissed Wendy's cheek. Carl had not even noticed. Link smirked as Wendy blushed like a schoolgirl. The fish-ape continued to smirk as he moved over to the left foot of the large monster butterfly. The human female could feel a small smile creep along her lips.


	3. III

**This one is my idea (along with others): Link/Katie. I really like these two as a serious couple. :D I've seen a few fics for this couple. But, here we go. This is a little short; sorry. D:**

* * *

III

Katie had never been so bored in her entire life. She sat at a _Starbucks_ café, playing with the straw that was in the cup of her mocha. She had dumped Cuthbert, and now she had nothing to do. A few blocks away, the buildings that were in ruins were being repaired. She could hear the hammers bang against the metal and torches cutting through the structure. Katie listened to the people talk to each other and others gave orders. She noticed the odd one in the group. He stood seven to eight feet high and was more muscular than the other humans. Katie identified him as The Missing Link. He was now on break, it seemed. The fish-ape's gaze landed on Katie. Their eyes met briefly before she looked away, suddenly becoming very interested in her coffee. Link smirked, and started to saunter his way over to her. She pretended she couldn't see him as he sat in the seat across from her. The fish-ape rested his arm on the table and his other hand on his hip.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted.

Katie smirked as she glanced up, the straw of her mocha twisted between her index finger and her middle finger. "Hey, you're The Missing Link," she stated, arching an eyebrow to him.

Link smirked, reclining slightly in his chair. He crossed his legs. "That's me," he stated. His tail flicked on the ground. "So, beautiful, whatcha doing?"

"Just having coffee," Katie murmured, moving her straw in the paper cup.

"Have anything you need to do later?"

"No."

Link smirked. "How 'bout this: after I get off work, wanna get something to eat?" he inquired, pointing over his shoulder in the direction of the ruined building. "I know this great seafood place."

Katie's smirk broadened. "I'd love too."

Link smirked. "Great, see you there," he stated. "See you in an hour. 'Kay?"

Katie nodded. "Okay, I'll be right here," she stated. "Don't keep me waiting."

Link leaned against the table, his tail flicked around on the cement. "I won't, I promise," he stated in a sly tone.

Katie watched as he sauntered away, not before he winked at her and gave the human girl a thumbs-up. This seemed like today would be an interesting day.


	4. IV

**Oh thank God, finals are over; now a get a week off! But I hope I did well on my Geometry final. D: Wish me luck!**

**Anyways, perfect time to finish my other fics. Like, _The Monstrous Force_ (at least finish and update a new chapter), _Blazing the trail_ (same with TMF), _Dreams follow Nightmares_ (not even remotely close to finishing), _The fall of the Mother_ (same with the others!)_, My sweet revenge_ (damn writer's block!), _The broken chain of memories_ (writer's block :/).**

**Thanksgiving is close! Pumkin pie, baby!**

**Okay, this is Nobility's idea. I thought of this once before exactly a month ago; briefly, for about five seconds, and then I forgot about it. But, this is her idea as far as I'm concerned. Monger/Miss Ronson.**

* * *

IV

Monger was in the War Room. The panic in the room had ceased. The nuclear missiles were stopped just in time before anything was ruined and destroyed. He was reading a packet of legal paper work, President Hathaway was . . . somewhere. The general reached over for his coffee mug. Once he grabbed it, he realized that it was empty. Just then, Miss Ronson's nimble hand reached over and brushed against his. The general glanced up at her. Miss Ronson smiled.

"I'll get you a new cup of coffee," she stated calmly.

Monger nodded, watching her scurry off with ladylike dignity. She was very beautiful, he had to admit. He shook his head, turning his attention back to his legal papers. She came back within a couple of minutes, his coffee hot and steaming. The general took the mug, giving the younger woman a half-smile.

"Here's your coffee," she stated.

"Thank you, Miss Ronson," he said to her. Monger paused. "So, I have a question."

"Why, certainly."

"Do you have anyone you're dating?"

That was an odd question. It was also completely out of character for the general. Was he asking her out? Miss Ronson blushed, pushing a lock of hair out of her smooth face. "Well, no," she answered. "W-why would you ask?"

A smirk broadened on his face.

* * *

Hathaway had returned to the War Room, his face pressed to the cold table as he snored deeply and loudly. A general, his skin the same colour as a chocolate bar, came over to the president's left side. He bent down to get a good look at the leader of their country. He gently nudged Hathaway in his side. "Um, sir?" the man inquired.

Hathaway did not budge. He tried again.

"Sir? Sir? Sir!"

The president shot upwards. "I'm up! I'm _not_ sleeping on the job!" he cried. Hathaway glanced at the general next to him. "Oh, hello, Rodger."

"Um, hello, sir."

There was an awkward pause.

"Um, sir, this is a long-shot, but have you seen General Monger?" the other general inquired.

"Um, no, not for a while," he stated, rubbing at his temples. "In fact, I haven't seen Miss Ronson either. Did she punch in?"

Rodger arched an eyebrow to the president. "You . . . haven't?" he asked.

"Nope."

Rodger thought briefly. It was odd that _both_ of them were missing. Could they . . . no. No. They _could_ not be. Yet they were. Miss Ronson was trying her hardest to remove her lipstick from his collar and he was trying to smooth out her messed-up hair. He had not done this in a long time; that is, having a pointless fling in his office. This was just a one-time thing.

"How does it look?" he asked the secretary.

"Um, no one will notice," Miss Ronson stated, rubbing at his collar with her wet handkerchief.

"Are you sure?" he asked, the corner of his lip twisted up.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

He nodded, cleared his throat and fixed his black tie. She had a deep blush on her face as he nodded, trying to look casual. Miss Ronson scurried away as she tried to go back to her job. The general approached the president, who was reading a legal document. He glanced up. "Oh, there you are, Warren," he stated.

Monger cleared his throat. "Yes, I'm here," he stated.

"Good, we have to read _another_ legal paper," Hathaway grumbled. The president glanced up, looking right at the general's collar. He saw a light pink smudge on his collar. It looked like lipstick; faded lipstick. It was like someone tried to remove it with a cloth and water. "What's that on your collar," he asked, pointing at the general's collar.

Monger was stiff and stoic. He tried to act like nothing happened—nothing was wrong.

"I don't know what you're talking about."


	5. V

**Okay, then. It is so funny that ev'ryone likes this. XD So, here's OpenSeasonFanGirl5000's idea. Doc/The Missing Link! Sorry that this is a little short. D: Let's play Spot **_**The Mummy**_** reference!**

* * *

V

It had been twenty years since Dr. Cockroach became this beast and had been locked up in this hell-hole. Monger, though, was kind to the monsters. He never showed any sort of disrespect to them, but he did keep them in Area 5X. They had no clue where exactly they were at in the world. Monger never told them—he wasn't supposed to. But the general did come to see them every once in a while. For just, well, to keep them company. Insectosaurus, the new monster, lay on the cold floor, bored out of her mind. The Missing Link stroked the fur of the beast. Both of them became close over the years. Dr. Cockroach could not describe it. They were just very close. B.O.B was snoring loudly. He was curled in one of the corners of the large sitting room, his ball by his side.

"What's up, Doc?" the fish-ape asked, a small smirk on his face as he swung on his knuckles and approached the mad scientist.

Dr. Cockroach frowned, looking at the fish-ape. "Stop watching _Looney Toons_," he grumbled, flipping through the pages of his book.

The Missing Link smirked, grabbing the back of Dr. Cockroach's lab coat, and yanked. The bug-man fell to the cold floor, an audible yelp escaped his lips. The fish-ape curled up around the bug-man much like a cat would curl up in front of a fireplace or on their master's lap. Link placed an arm around Dr. Cockroach's midsection. Dr. Cockroach shrugged, pushing back into the touch. There was silence, the only sounds being made was the monsters' breathing. B.O.B twitched in his sleep, then he shot up, crying: "No more goat soup!" before falling back and snoring once more. Dr. Cockroach and Link exchanged a look.

"He doesn't have a brain," Dr. Cockroach stated. "He has no idea what he's saying."

Link shrugged, pulling the bug-man closer. "You have a point," he stated.

The fish-ape pulled his tail around the bug-man and they stayed like that for the rest of the day.


	6. VI

**I'm so sorry! I've been so busy, now I've got some time to write and such. Goodness, it's almost Christmas! And other holidays. Well, happy holidays to you all!**

**This is a little short. Forgive me. I promise the next one will be longer.**

**Okay, this is Season's idea, along with Cooliothereviewer's. She mentioned it as a joke, but, still. XD Onward! Monger/Hathaway!**

* * *

VI

Hathaway's pen tapped against the table under him. It was his way to keep focused with today's ideas and addresses. It was very hard to stay awake during political speeches like this. Today's topic: foreign oil. The president sighed, trying to stay awake. His other hand reached over absentmindedly towards his cup. Hathaway found the handle of his mug and pulled it closer to his own. There was little left in his cup. Hathaway drank it, feeling a buzz. The president placed the cup down, and watched the man that was currently speaking. He was a tall man with sharp blonde with bright green eyes. He spoke of the oil crisis and such. Monger looked at the president, who was quickly falling asleep and his constant struggling was the only thing that kept him awake. The two never disclosed their relationship to the others, since it would be such a scandal. What would Hathaway's wife think of the situation? Monger pulled out a slip of paper from his jacket, and took a pen that was laying next to his hand. He began to scribble something on the slip. Hathaway took interest in what the general was writing. Slyly, Monger pushed the paper over to the president. Hathaway took it. It read:

_Try to stay awake. After this conference, meet me in your office. I'll make sure that you stay awake, Mr. President_.

The president couldn't help but to nervously smile at the general. Monger smirked slyly in return, turning his attention back to the man that was currently speaking. Hathaway searched his pockets for a sticky-note pad, which he found. He wrote on it, and slid it over to the general. Monger's eyes flicked around to see if anyone was looking. He felt like a little boy passing around a note to his friends under the teacher's nose. It read:

_Do I need to bring a pillow and blankets?_

Monger tried to stifle a series of chuckles. He wrote on the same paper, and slid it back to the president.

_Yes_, it read.

The president nodded. He put the sticky-pad into his pocket, and patiently waited. When the conference ended, the general and the president went missing. No one knew where they were at, and people were too busy to care or notice.


	7. VII

**Okay, there is a Susan/Insecto crack!pairing out there. It is bestiality, but I'll try to make this just a friendship thing.**

**Girl-talk! 83**

**Season's idea. :)**

* * *

VII

Insectosaurus was sprawled out on the cool flooring. She was watching Link and B.O.B play cards, her large eyes on the blob's hand. The fish-ape glanced up at his closest friend. Insectosaurus held up her elegant purple hand, holding up three fingers. The fish-ape smirked, reclining in his metal chair as B.O.B looked as determined as ever to win.

"Do you have any threes?" Link inquired, smugly smiling.

B.O.B groaned, throwing the card at the fish-ape. "How do you know these things?" the blob asked, looking at the fish-ape for answers.

Link shook his head, smirking, holding out his hands. "I don't know," he stated. "It just comes to me."

"More like cheating," muttered Dr. Cockroach, turning a wrench around a bolt. "It's the same way he's been doing it."

B.O.B did not hear. His single large eye gazed at the cards in his three-fingered hands. "You got a five?" he asked.

Link's eyes rolled over his cards. He grabbed one card, and handed it to B.O.B. The animated blob perked up, snatching the card up, that was, however, until he looked at it. It was a six. "This isn't a five," the blue blob exclaimed.

Link smirked, and the blob threw the card back at the laughing water monster. Susan walked over, as Insectosaurus shifted slightly in her spot. The large woman sat down, pressing herself against the large butterfly's soft fur. "Hey, Insecto," Susan called.

Insectosaurus' large round eyes turned to where Susan was located, and gave a deep rumble from her throat. Susan smiled. "Are you bored?" she inquired.

The large butterfly nodded, fluttering her wings, creating a light breeze. Dr. Cockroach's thin antennas swayed in the indoor wind, and some cards fluttered around. Link looked up, apparently peeved that the cards flew from his grasp. "Watch it, Insecto!" the fish-ape called.

The large monster grumbled, looking at the amphibian monster with big eyes. Link nodded his head, placing the cards back on the metal table. "Okay, I forgive you," he stated, fixing his hand.

Susan smiled lightly, pushing herself back into Insectosaurus' warm, thick fur. The butterfly monster wrapped her tail around Susan. The large woman placed her arms on the tail. "Men," she whispered to herself. Insectosaurus let out a rumble from her throat.


	8. VIII

**Sorry I haven't updated. D: Been busy, and my **_**Avatar**_** fic had taken most of my attention. But I'm back!**

**Sorry that this is short.**

**Nobility's idea. **

* * *

VIII

Link could not believe what he was seeing. Dr. Cockroach could not help but to chuckle at the scene before him. B.O.B was oblivious to the whole thing. Susan just looked on, and Monger was slightly disturbed. Insectosaurus was rubbing necks with the large French snail. They were growling happily, just rubbing necks. Link turned to the general.

"Is this really—"

"Yes."

"Does that mean he'll come with—"

"Yes, he'll be coming to the joint."

Link glanced at the two large monster insects, his ear twitching slightly. Susan bent down to her male friends, awkwardly smiling. "Well, think of it this way," she began. "They're both bugs, and they like each other."

"And," Monger stated, holding up a single finger, "it'll be easier to catch the monster."

Susan nodded. "True, true, not fighting the creature," she said with a smile. She thought of the snail's slime clinging to her hair and shuttered. "I hate slime."

Dr. Cockroach, meanwhile, was giggling like a schoolgirl. Monger eyed him like he was mad, which he was, and the bug-man stopped short. "What?" he asked, his antenna twitching gently.

Monger did not answer, and shook his head. "Nothing, you're you, and you'll never change," he stated, jumping into his jeep, and drove to where his men were located at.

Dr. Cockroach held out his hands, looking between his friends. "What does that mean?" he asked. "What's wrong with me?"

"So many things," Link answered sarcastically.

Insectosaurus and Esgargantuam continued to rub necks, not really caring what anyone thought about them.


	9. IX

**This is Doc/Monger. :P Openseason and my idea. xD Sorry. Very, very short. D: You can beat me with a stick for its shortness.**

* * *

IX

It was only a one-night stand. Dr. Cockroach glanced at the assortment of trash that was on his metal table, and idly picked through each one. There was a can, a shoe, several papers and what not. Link was biting off the heads of his fish, and B.O.B was devouring his ham, allowing it to dissolve in his gelatin body. And Insectosaurs was hypnotized by the bright lights that hung on the ceiling. The bug-man sighed, reclining into his metal chair. That night did not mean anything, right? Link glanced over at his friend.

"You okay?" he inquired, swallowing what was in his mouth.

Dr. Cockroach glanced up, his antenna twitching slightly. He forced a smile on his lips. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," he said, waving his hand dismissively.

Link blinked, his eyes rolling up and down on his friend. He then nodded, shrugging his shoulders, and bit into another fish. B.O.B was oblivious, just allowing himself to eat the ham. It was very tense around Monger now, ever since that night. It did not mean anything, right? They hardly talked after that night, and if they did, it turned out to be very awkward, and Monger would constantly clear his throat, rubbing at the back of his neck. That night did not mean anything . . .

Right?


	10. X

**I am alive and back. This is Monger/Insecto **_**friendship**_**. Since most crack!couples are either pedophilia or bestiality, I will **_**not**_** do those. That shit is against my morals. **

**Nobility's idea.**

**This is short too.**

**Shit.**

* * *

X

Monger tapped in pen idly on his desk. Since Insectosaurus had transformed into this giant butterfly, he had to redo almost every document about the monster bug. Its normal weight, its size, its abilities—pretty much everything. He also had to add the length of each wing, which took forever to calculate, but that's why the government had Dr. Cockroach. The large butterfly looked at the small human before her.

Monger then also had to change the record that said that Insectosaurus was _female_ rather than _male_.

In fact, that was just an assumption.

Paperwork was just painful.

The general rubbed his temples, sighing, and then took another swig of his coffee. Insectosaurus nudged the human lovingly. Monger glanced up at the large butterfly. She was like a really, _really_ big dog. The general was not much of a dog person, he liked cats.

Dogs just ticked him off for some odd reason.

And given the fact that a dog mauled him when he was a little boy did not help either.

Monger reached over, patting the soft fur of the bug-monster. He had to admit it, she was very brave. When he thought that the monster-bug was dead, he felt a pain in his heart—almost like he lost a very good friend. And when he watched her emerge from her cocoon, and how she flew to help her friends—he was simply put proud of her.

"Good girl," he whispered gently, stroking the fur of the great bug. "Good girl."


	11. XI

**Doc/B.O.B—Season's idea. :D**

* * *

XI

B.O.B looked at his opponent over his hand of cards. He had a four, a five, and an ace. Link looked at his cards. He had a six, an ace, and a queen. Insectosaurus was asleep in a corner, her tail wrapped firmly around her body. There was no way that he could cheat now. The fish-ape would just have to guess. His tail thumped on the metal floor in anxiousness.

"You have a six?" the fish-ape inquired.

"Nope," the blob answered. "Go fish."

The monster growled, reaching for a new card. It was an ace. He took his ace, and paired it up, placing it on the table. B.O.B looked down, letting out a sigh. Dr. Cockroach suddenly joined, drawing five cards and holding them up.

"So, wanna play?" Link asked.

"Nothing else to do around here," muttered the bug-man.

B.O.B was astonished. The good doctor had never wanted to play cards with them. He would be usually playing with his little inventions or causing something to explode, which would piss Monger off to the extreme. The blob rushed to the doctor, scooping the bug-man into a hug.

"Thanks, Doc!"

The bug-man was quickly sucked in, and gagged at the oozy liquid that filled his mouth. Link jumped up, screaming: "Spit him out!"

B.O.B did, and spat out the mad scientist. Dr. Cockroach gagged, spitting out the liquid that filled his mouth. The blob patted the scientist's head, and he sighed.

"Love you too, B.O.B."


	12. XII

**Sorry, it's been a while. ****B.O.B/Insecto. ****Nobility's idea. And this is short. Sorry, again.**

* * *

XII

The large bug rested on the floor. Her breathing was long and hard. Her fat tail twitched. She was bored. Very bored. It was the same thing, day in, and day out. Nothing to do, and there was not a thing new. Wait. Dr. Cockroach had set another fire due to one of his experiments. That was an entertaining day, she must admit. Monger was pissed, but it amused the monsters for that one day. B.O.B oozed over, a cheerful expression on his face. He looked up at her, his single eye bright.

"Hey, Insecto," he greeted.

The large bug's eyes moved down, looking at the tiny blob. She let out a plain growl.

B.O.B smiled innocently at her.

"Nice day, right?" he asked randomly.

Insectosaurus had to remember that she was dealing with someone that had no brain. She only could move her head in agreement.

Just humoring him.

B.O.B smiled, now creating a hand, and stroking her soft fur. She loved it when someone would pet her. Whether it would be Link, Dr. Cockroach, and even hardened General Monger would pet her. The animated blob thought nothing of it. He just continued to rhythmically stroke her soft fur.

It was nice to be appreciated.

"You like that?"

Insectosaurus closed her eyes, and focused on the strokes. She let out a growl of pleasure.

B.O.B smiled. "Okay," he simply said, and still stroked her.

She loved to be petted.


	13. XIII

**Hey, I'm telling you now, this is my last chapter. I'm done making these. I don't have the drive anymore. I have no idea what the hell happened, but I can't keep going. D': I'm so sorry, Season and Nobility. I have no idea what happened, but I can't do this anymore. If you want your ideas back, I'll send you the list and do whatever you want with them.**

**For now, here's Doc/Wendy (Susan's mom). This was Nobility's idea.**

* * *

XIII

She was good-looking for her age, he had to admit. Dr. Cockroach could feel his antenna move in anxiousness. Wendy was cooking dinner for the family. The monsters had another successful run with catching an out-of-control monster, and the Murphy family had invited them over for food. Monger was having idle chatter with Mr. Murphy. There was a glass in the general's hand, and he swirled the wine in the large glass slowly, the alcoholic beverage was quite enticing. Dr. Cockroach blinked his large eyes, his antenna twitching ever so slightly. Wendy was still in the kitchen, and the aroma of food lingered in the air. B.O.B's mouth watered as he watched the human woman from outside, Link also looking in and watching the woman. Wendy looked up, her eyes glancing between the blue blob and the large fish-ape. The woman laughed at him in light-heartedness.

"Go, shoo," she said, waving her hands at them. "I'll cook the food, okay? I'm doing that now. Shoo!"

Monger glanced at the monsters, arching an eyebrow to them. "B.O.B, The Missing Link, for God sakes, leave the woman alone," the general grumbled.

Link pulled back from the window, looking at the general with stale features, but did as he told. B.O.B did not move until the fish-ape pulled him away from the window. Susan shook her head; however, there was a tiny smile on her lips.

"So, I guess you like Mom's cooking?" the giantess asked.

"I love food!" B.O.B said, lifting up his newly formed goo arms.

Link sat down on the grass, his tail twitching. The fish-ape glanced up at the bug-man, who looked a little flushed.

"Hey, Doc, you okay?" Link called.

Dr. Cockroach looked up from his trance and looked at the amphibian monster. "What? Oh, yes, Link, I am fine," he chuckled, waving down his hand.

Link arched his thick eyebrow, and reluctantly let the question go. Dr. Cockroach looked to Wendy, and sighed, placing his hand under his chin. He could not help but to look at her. She was very beautiful.


	14. Crack! Commentary

Crack!

Commentary

I'm done and half-dead

Okay, here it is, I tried. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. From the first chapter all the way to, I dunno, chapter seven, this was going great. But, then my drive vanished and I had no freakin' idea how to make these couples realistic (or sorta realistic). I think my drive just died, or left me, laughing: "Hahaha! Screw you, bitch!"

I dunno.

But I am sorry.

Crack!Couple ideas © Nobility, Season, and myself (I can't remember which belonged to who, but there is a chatroom on the _Monsters vs Aliens_ forum that says "Need help with crack!couples." Can't miss it. It shows our discussion and which couple belonged to whom.)

This fanfiction © ironically me

Monsters vs Aliens and the chatacters ©Dreamworks


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